


A Roy/Ed Night Before Christmas

by nochick_fics



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist (Anime 2003)
Genre: Christmas, M/M, Prose Poem, Sexual Humor, Sparkles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-10
Updated: 2017-04-10
Packaged: 2018-10-17 04:15:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10586229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nochick_fics/pseuds/nochick_fics
Summary: A silly, slashy remix of a classic holiday poem.





	

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through HQ  
Roy and Ed crept the halls looking for a good place to screw  
An old abandoned lab seemed the best place to dare  
It didn't seem likely someone would find them there

The others were gone, no one around who could hear  
So the two horny alchemists had nothing to fear  
And Roy in his uniform, and Ed in his coat  
Fell to the floor with a grind and a grope

When out in the hall there arose such a clatter  
Roy knew he shouldn't fuck Ed til he saw what was the matter  
He snuck over to the door, opened it, and then gasped  
When he saw a trail of sparkles go floating past

He shut the door in a hurry, tried not to make it click  
And went limp at the thought of Armstrong seeing his dick  
“What's the matter?” Ed asked from his spot on the floor  
He had just gotten naked and was ready for more

Before Roy could answer, the door opened wide  
The lovers were trapped; there was nowhere to hide  
When, what to their horrified eyes did appear  
But a wall of freakish muscles, which prompted much fear

The Major looked down upon the perverted décor  
And flexed his pecs while he spoke, which scarred them some more  
So much for an impromptu pre-Christmas quickie  
Looking at Armstrong made both men feel a bit sickly

He gyrated about while he flexed and he preened  
Roy and Ed had never witnessed anything so horribly obscene  
The room was alight with the blinding display  
Prompting both of them to wish they weren't so incurably gay

And then he was gone in a gust of glittery wind  
But after that, neither man could get it up again  
They accepted their fate, their plans to fuck were now shelved  
After seeing Armstrong, not even Viagra would help

They both went home, thinking that this was the end  
However, in about an hour they decided to try again  
Things were just getting good, Roy was ravaging Ed  
But then a large, booming voice could be heard overhead

With that, Roy stopped; he just couldn't pull it off  
Having Armstrong around only made him go soft  
So they cuddled instead, they could at least do that much  
And they realized they'd overlooked the joys of the simplest touch

It was the one night of the year that they didn't _have_ to fuck  
Rather, just be together and consider their luck  
They bade sex farewell for the night with no sign of sorrow  
… but _boy_ would they ever fuck like rabbits tomorrow

The Major then left for the next house on his list  
Lighting the night with pink sparkles and a fond parting wish  
“This holiday is the cause of many jubilations!  
Happy Christmas to you and your future generations!”

 


End file.
